Stephanie says: Things are NOT always Cotton Candy, Gumdrops, and Rainbows.

February 25, 2009

I had been longing for Wednesday to arrive, sooner than what it did. Last week we hadn’t visited Phillis Wheatley. And I? Well I was having withdrawals. I yearned for the kids’ presence as much as potheads desire marijuana, as much as vampires crave blood, and as much as trees need roots.

Today we had to form a group, and come up with a skit about happiness. Our group consisted of: Marice, Andreina, Sendy, Jameisha, Kiki, and Nathan. The question was, could wealth possibly be the source of happiness? We began to write a skit about the topic. As each one of the kids explored their own views on the relationship between happiness and wealth, I soon realized that each had different opinions. All was going well until I realized one of the kids, Nathan, had grown impatient.

He would frequently interrupt me and talk loud and fast. I was worried. His behavior was unlike his usual one. I knew right away that something was wrong. I did my best to ignore his impolite behavior while simultaneously considering what he had to say. To be honest, I understood where his impatience might have come from. He had had a long day at school and the skit required more work than he was used to receiving from us.

Throughout, Nathan was mostly saying gibberish and in between all the nonsense he claimed that having money did not make any one anymore content, while Kiki explained how it was necessary in order to be happy. Since everyone couldn’t come to an agreement, I decided to set up a mini debate between the two. Nathan tried to make his point clear, now it was Kiki’s turn. But as soon as she started speaking he refused to respect what she had to say and in fact, he wouldn’t even let her talk. “Nathan, Kiki is talking,” I said. “No. But money doesn’t make you happy,” he spoke over me. This persisted for a while.

Keyalah made her way to our group, back from selling pizzas; something the kids do after school to help Mr. Lewis. Nathan was sitting next to me, but she came to sit between us and the usual happened. The two began to talk back to each other. Nathan was already in a sassy mood and the two normally fight about anything. What they were discussing? I wasn’t sure since I was too busy trying to get the script down with the rest of the group. All I heard in the background was Keyalah say, “Nathan, she was my college student first. You had Marice all along.” And as soon as she said that, I felt like property. What did I mean to those two? Was I some sort of negotiable item!? I continued to get more of the script written instead of intervening.

It shall be noted, that ignoring a situation does not make it go away. Nathan tried his hardest to continue on his worst behavior. Usually Marice can control Nathan and she tried talking sense into him, but not even that worked. Finally I said, “I don’t think you want to be part of this group Nathan. You’re not cooperating.” “This group is full of girls, I don’t like it,” he replied. I looked around and realized, he was right. I told him, “Are you sure you don’t want to be in our group?” I asked. “I don‘t care,” he responded. “If you leave now you won’t be able to come back. So you can either stay here and behave, or altogether switch groups,” I said. “I don’t want to be part of this group anymore,” was his final statement. I stood up and Nathan knew exactly what I was going to do, I took him by the hand and walked him over to the next closest group. The second cluster of kids was Odette and Armando‘s group, it was composed of only boys. And there I dropped him off. He didn’t’ budge, nor did he come back like Marice had predicted. And this amazed me, because I knew how much he wanted to be in our group or at least that’s what I thought. He had such a powerful will, he wanted to make a statement and stuck to it, I guess.

I knew about Nathan’s passion for acting and his aspirations of becoming a future entertainer. I knew he was the best asset our group had and that his skills to amuse would outshine. But now, it was too late. I thought of how I just left him there and this tore my heart. I was so used to always having him as part of my group. I walked over to where my group was, and just looked back regretting what I had done.

By the end of the day, only one group was ready to present. When it was 3:00 P.M. everyone started gathering their things and getting ready to leave. Nathan grabbed his book bag and I just stared at him, he looked at me and said, “You are the best.” He gave me a warm smile and vanished into the multitude of children. Then and there I knew, I had done something right.

After taking him out of our group, I felt like it was too harsh of a punishment. I must admit… I am a softie, maybe even a pushover. But after his last comment, I realized he had accepted it and that perhaps it was the best thing I could of done.

-Stephanie Bechara